The first google definition of anger is “a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.” Many times, I find this definition inadequate in describing how I feel. So, I call upon those who constantly call feminists angry to do better and find a more fitting word, a stronger word to describe our feelings towards oppression. It is also interesting that People are angry at feminists for being angry and not at the oppression that makes us angry.
My feminism (and I am talking Black feminism) is all the rage and we need all the rage. Feminism gives us women a common language for thinking about how the patriarchy works to ‘fuck shit up for everybody’ (Brittney Cooper). Anger, the rage can be a powerful source of energy in serving progress and change. In this piece, I thought I would perform a bit of charity by writing about some reasons why I breathe fire, why I am enraged and unrelenting in the fight against the patriarchy. I am a black Malawian feminist and my lived experience is where I draw my anger from.
Society wants women to be understood. To be moderate. We can’t be full human beings. Society cannot deal with our liminal complexity. From our early socialization, we are taught about virtue, being nice, being respectful and of course all this is tied to being palatable for men. On the other hand, men are taught how to want and get, to speak up, to be served, to desire and take and to decide things on their own. For instance, to date, for those women who decide to enter marriage and have children, the blunt of child care falls heavily on them. There are so many stories of women giving up on their careers and being “strong” because of their children or to keep the peace in marriage. Women’s suffering is romanticized and normalized as a part of our womanhood. For men, it is majorly not a consideration. Women are judged harshly for putting their careers first with questions like “upita ku school, ana akhala ndi ndani?” that are laced with guilt tripping and the assumption that a woman must remain the primary caregiver at home.
At the work place, many policies are not developed with women in mind and do not acknowledge the lived experiences of women. For instance, in many organisations, you are entitled to paid leave only if you have been with the organization for over a year and you cannot have another child in the space of two years after your last one. So organizations through their small print policies are complicit in the policing of women’s bodies. Many people argue that it is about value for money and productivity and I call bull shit on all those arguments. I imagine a world where men menstruated and gave birth. This would not even be up for debate. Additionally, there are some organisations that are walking the talk in women friendly policies and they are yet to claim losses. For instance, Action Aid Malawi has one of the most progressive women friendly maternity leave policies; paid maternity leave is four months, women who have children under two work flexible hours, travel and upkeep costs for a nanny are covered for in and out of country trips and there is a crèche in the office in case you must bring your child to work.
I will not get into the double standards of recruitment in organisations and companies where women must be extra-ordinary to compete for positions which require men to just be good enough. I will also not talk about how women have to sit through meetings where their views are disregarded until they are “hepeated” by mediocre men. I will not talk about how I do not know a single working woman in my network who has never been sexually harassed at work.
So yes; I am fucking angry!
It doesn’t get any better in the political space. I’m angry that women’s stories continue to be erased. The secretaries who made major contributions to the freedom struggle. The women who mobilized against the one-party state…where are their holidays? when do we celebrate them? It is also very interesting to me how in this day and age, when a man fails, he is judged in his individual capacity but when a woman fails we still claim all women have failed. The best example is our former president Dr Joyce Banda. Because she was voted out, many people (read men and pick me women aka patriarchy princesses and gate keepers) bundled women as a homogenous group who had all failed. But I also find this argument factually untrue per Malawian standards and the presidents we have had so far. Did she really fail? Who are we comparing her to? I understand that we can’t measure leadership based on other failures but neither should we base it on gender.
In the political space, violence against women is rife. Women’s bodies are used to shame women into silence. Recently, when women mobilized in Malawi against political violence after a woman was stripped for wearing opposition party colors, the media centered a man in reporting this historic moment. Women who brave the hostile political space and run for public office are verbally harassed and intimidated and political parties continue to sideline women in crucial party positions.
I’m angry because in my every interaction with men, I have to hold my breath. I can’t walk with the confidence that there will be no cat calling and objectification of my body. I’m angry because men in power feel entitled to my body. I am angry at the ever-rising number of women who get killed in and out of intimate relationships with men who claim to love them. I’m angry because there are marginalized groups who still can’t live freely in Malawi. The LGBTQI community, people living with albinism and people with disabilities continue to face discrimination in a country that they call home. In case you are wondering, feminism is a movement that cares not just about women but all marginalized groups. Additionally, it is the only movement that wants men to be set free from the bonds of patriarchy (yes men).
I am livid because what are supposed to be safe spaces for everyone like the church are the cause of hurt. The church, a place that is meant to bring hope is complicit in the protection and enabling of abusers. Instead of marching against women’s bodily autonomy and the right to sexual orientation, they should be more vigilant in standing up for women and other vulnerable groups.
Of course, there is always the “what about men” groups that interestingly speak up only when women are speaking against violence. It is hard to take you seriously If the only time you find your voice on men’s violence is when women speak up about their own victimization. Do you really care about male victims or just preserving your ego, re-centering men in the conversation, and shutting women up?
I am tired and I am fucking angry!
Malawi in its patriarchal state now cannot be the society we can be empowered into as women. To empower ourselves- yes us women- and allies, we must dismantle the patriarchal structure and do nothing else. And we will use all means necessary. What better driver than anger to keep propelling us into forward action!
It is important for men to understand that our tone will not be policed. Our tone does not invalidate our message. We will not be told how to express our anger, how to deal with our oppression and we definitely reserve our right to NOT negotiate in a nice tone with our oppressors. Our rights are not up for negotiation.
Assata Shakur wrote;
“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
My anger keeps me vigilant! It is the constant reminder I need that there is still work ahead and I will not rest.
The patriarchy smashing project continues!
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